mean girls

I always thought when I was younger that when mean spirited people got older that they somehow would change and become nice with maturity. I guess I just assumed that it was their youth that made them little bitches;). (sorry had to throw that in there somewhere). Anyway, I have found within the last year of my life that those high school girls that were catty and superficial...well, sometimes...nothing changes at all but there age! It's quite shocking for me especially because most of these particular women that I mention are about 10 years older than me but act about 10 years younger than me? I never understood the girls in high school that were only friends with boys because they did not like having girlfriends but the older I get, the more I understand where they were coming from.
Dont misunderstand me, I have some beautiful friends! These women I mention are not my friends but they astonish me none the less. They form cliques (more like small armies with seriously aggressive force) and they take down anyone that stands in their way. They used to intimidate the hell out of me and now I seriously just pity them in all their Friscoite ways! I know Im being mean but someone needs to call these kind of people out! They talk down to you, they are two faced, and they are just down right meeeean! Who knew!!??? I seriously thought all that Real Housewives of New Jersey crap was just for t.v. and the women on the shows were just super rare but no...no no no...they are everywhere and it is so so sad! Most of them I feel are drowning in their own sorrows at home but all the pressure of perfection makes them angry and probably dang right exhausted!
I want so badly to be the one to put them in their place...for all the people that they've hurt trying to get to where they want to be but the truth is...they will never get there. They are their own worst enemy and create their own demise so I might as well sit back and let them self destruct (hopefully to the point of waking up to reality)! I only write this today because I somehow got wrapped up in drama with one of these soap opera groups and it has made me want to pull my hair out! If I was seriously friends with these families and had any sort of association with them I think I would have ulcers and panic attacks...not kidding...they have a way of really hurting people and it's beyond aggravating.
So I'll say this...if any of you be-oches are reading this...you really need to quite bullying people and get your own life together and quite trying to take every last soul down with you...or hey, I have a better idea...put your iPhone down, log off your facebook page with your profile picture glamour shot and go play with your kids...get off that high horse of yours...and be KIND!!!! YOU ARE NO LONGER A HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADER OR IN A SORORITY...GROW UP!

oh my gosh. I feel so much better. sorry, I had 10 min to write this anger out before my baby wakes up and it was worth it!

people watching

I love crazy people. The crazier, the better. Well, actually...I recant that...sometimes people are so past crazy that they make me feel icky and uncomfortable but the harmless ones are just so fun to watch. NatGeo has a new show called "Doomsday Preppers" and it's amazeballs! B R I N G IT O N!!!!!
The family we watched last night were just fascinating...they even wore matching clothes which I pointed out to Justin in the middle of it..."Hey babe...look, they even have uniforms just in case"...then we both started cracking up!!! Oh goodness gracious there are just complete wacko's out there. I am one of them at times so I do not judge...I just appreciate. ;)
So anyway, last nights couple had food stored for 15 years of survival and even had their own small militia of neighbors and family members. They do drills like every week and put serious effort into their planned evacuations (which included:buses, armor, food, water, and medical supplies obviously;))
They have animals on their land that produce waste, which they then turn into a type of gas that apparently has no odor so that when the other survivors of the worlds doom come to kill them and take all their food, they wont be able to smell their fire from wood because they will be making their fire from their saved pig poo!!! (uh-mazing)
I just so thoroughly appreciate their efforts and find it so entertaining!
I think what makes the whole thing so astonishing to me though is the fact that they are so focused on survival (which they said they could survive 15 years post apocalypse from their saved food and things) that I wonder if they've ever thought past that...like...I dunno...eternity?
For these people that put soooo much time and effort into their survival game plan, I wonder if they have put any time or effort into where they're gonna be for eternity...for after their life here on earth...like they said themselves, they can live 15 years only after the worlds end...but then what? What is the point of surviving such catastrophe if they don't believe in God or any hope anyway? I just see it all futile and useless because it seems I would have nothing to live for if my heart didn't long to be at home with the Lord?
I dunno? It's all a bit tragic really. Most of the doomsday preppers believe there will be a massive earthquake that will disrupt the entire world because the N and S axis's will switch and there hence the final end of civilization...if that were the scenario...I would pretty much assume I was going to be of the large percentage that would die and not waste my life away planning to be a part of the small percentage that could survive the world flipping over?!?!?!?
hmmm...not sure...maybe I'm just a pessimist...lol

3...21 years old

Most people who have a dog know that the dog is more like your child...and in my case more like my child, my shadow, my snuggle buddy, my companion, my pest, my attention seeker, my princess, and just my super faithful friend! Rogue is my little love bug but, completely annoying too...don't get me wrong...there is at least once or twice a day where I refer to her as "Stupid".... "come here Stupid", "did you eat this Stupid", "want to go on a walk Stupid"? She's cute stupid:).
She has brought a lot of joy into our family and even though she once ate our couch and scratched the door so much we need to replace it, she's still our booger boo and even though she suffers from such bad separation anxiety when we leave the house that she sometimes opens the door and tries to follow us, she is still the coolest, toughest, sweetest German Shepard around! Happy birthday Rogue!!!! We love you!!!

nada lada

(random pictures of Rogue...sometimes mom's with cameras just go there ya know...we use our dogs as models...what can I say)

I have a head full of things to say right now but a house full of children that need my attention so I cant really blog today...and I did not have time yesterday, or the day before...or the day before that...and probably not tomorrow..(you know where Im going with this):) I just didn't want to ignore it...as if my blog is a person...Im getting crazier and crazier the older I get...but anyway, I wish I could write all day about the non sense in my head but today, like most days, I have zero time to so hopefully I can chat with you random readers late tomorrow night or Sunday...have a few things I'd like to share:) Here's some random pictures just because...

Guilty Pleasures

The other day my 6 year old told me that I was too busy...that I clean the house too much and seem so busy all the time. Talk about a punch in the gut! She's telling the truth...I am constantly in "go mode" feeling that if I am not, then I am not doing my job. Wonder where that lie came from!? I can give you a few guesses;). Satan lies to me every day...I think we assume Satan only does the BIG stuff but even whispers of self doubt and misguided self worth is a very common strategy of his! Satan doesnt want me to not clean my counters off and sit down and play with my kids...he doesnt want me to put the vacuum down to paint a picture with my daughter...he wants me to be busy because family is a huge threat to him!

Ever since the day I first became a mother I go to bed with a load of guilt. It's something I fight every night. Did they get enough hugs today, was I sweet to my husband today, did the kids have too much sugar today, did they brush their teeth (oh gosh what if they have cavities and then the dentist think Im a horrible mom....) etc etc etc...it's a constant battle of self doubt. With Haley's blow that day though...I didn't even sleep that night...that was a heavy loader and I was feeling really yucky about myself that night! I just prayed for my role as a mother that night and prayed for my little ones...that I can give them the individual attention they each need and that I am capable of better time management.

With that said, I have tried to make a vital change in my day to day routine and it started with a trip to the zoo:)...left the house a mess, packed up the car and headed on for an adventure that I was not just going to observe from behind the stroller but that I would partake in with my kiddos! I used to be so good about being such a hands on mom...it was something I probably prided myself in...but having McKamy changed me in a way and it really didnt have to...it was by my own doing...guilty...g u i l t y! It's okay though...today's a new day and I am grateful for yet another opportunity to do it better than the day before...

worrier-warrior

I was really dreading today. I woke up with a pit in my stomach knowing I was going back to visit a place that had caused me so much sadness the last time I went. I was about to make a 2 1/2 hour drive to go visit a little girl that I barely know, yet love her like she's my own? I have a weird bond with Annie (I'll have to share her story another day) and as much as I felt God calling me back to her...I really was almost afraid to go again.

The first time was so overwhelming and took so much out of me. Me, me, me....the whole stink'n "mission" ended up being about me...when I thought the whole time God was wanting it to be about her, it somehow ended up being the Allie show? I went there the first time with so much confidence, I was going to help this little girl somehow and God had picked me to do it...I walked in like a cocky superhero and walked out like beaten dog. God has revealed so much to me since then...he has taught me lessons I didn't even realize I needed to learn and showed me parts of myself that needed exposing. Annie changed my life forever in the 4 minutes I was able stand by her bed and yet nothing even physically exchanged between these two humans...nothing miraculous occurred...but something happened in the spiritual world that day and it crumbled my heart into pieces and I will be forever changed...forever grateful.

Today was visit number 2. My mom wanted to go with me. I was not 100 % okay with this. Out of all the people in the world to go with me, down this difficult road, I would not have chosen my mom. She loves children too much and well, ....well, I dont think I should have to be the one to pick her up off the ground when she is so devastated by what she sees. She's just too sweet to go somewhere like this...too sensitive...I need someone really tough to go with me...I mean, If I couldn't manage to even put the key in the ignition last visit to go head home then what will she be like?!?! No no...this is probably not a good idea...maybe I should tell her to stay home and I would rather go on my own.

I didnt say anything and went ahead as scheduled. And man, how wrong was I AGAIN...wrong, wrong, wrong!!!! Turns out...I don't know anything...nothing.

My mom is a unique creature that has a way of changing complete environments when she walks into a room. She can morph a complete strangers mood from one of defensiveness and hard pressed to one of gentleness and kindness...with just her compliment of wallpaper on a nursing home wall. People meet my mom and not only drop their guard, but they begin to open up to my mom and tell her things that they've probably never shared with anyone they just met 5 minutes before! Somehow even, I promise you...my mom made those hallways brighter today...she did...somehow these nurses who I swear were not even there last time were coming in Annie's room to visit with us and introduce us to all the other children that they would like us to meet! It was...it was just a completely different experience with my mom right beside me...she made what was supposed to be a heart wrenching experience, a joyful one! I laughed and heard stories about miracles and got hugs from staff today...my Annie's room was lit up with sunlight and I got to read to her and was allowed alone time with her (would NEVER had gotten that alone time had my mom not been there...take my word for it).

God gave me a miracle today...I had prayed for one...I had asked others to pray for one...and He gave me miracle today...He allowed me to see what an incredibly beautiful creature my mother is, and what hidden gifts He gave her to grow His Kingdom on this Earth! To be honest, I didn't even tell my mom of the the massive pit I had had in my stomach the whole drive there and she will probably never know just how healing her presence was for me today, but how amazing is it that today ended up being fun (miracle folks...total miracle)! Annie may not have been healed today but I am telling you, there was so much healing going on today that I cant do anything but praise our awesome creator!


This verse was spoken today from the head of the nursing facility as she began to warm up to my mom and mentioned it was her favorite verse, and was later repeated by my sister who said she just kept hearing this verse all day:
“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ (Matt 25:40)
My mother has done this her entire life...her small gestures, her little compliments, her kind words, her compassion...so much about her has left fingerprints all over this world and so many times it has gone unnoticed...all these unseen things have warmed our Saviors heart regardless...what a gift that I have such a graceful warrior as a mom...

Thank you Lord for Annie...thank you Lord for my mama...thank you Lord for bringing them together today.

confessions

I was so in the mood to sit in front of my computer when the kids went to bed and just start typing but I got here and realized I didn't have much to say (thats a first i assure you). So anyway, I started contemplating what I could share about my day and realized all of it would probably be too honest and then I thought...what the heck...let's just have a confessional tonight and bust it all out there...here we go-

1. I did not get of my pajamas until 2 o'clock because my husband was at the ranch and I wanted to be lazy

2. I tried to paint an old worn out wreath and be cool like all those other Pinterest people and when I was done it looked like my 6 year old had done it...horrible...just horrible.

3. since I got a new hair cut I have taken like 5 self portraits...gross...one of them was today when I decided to let my hair air dry and I was impressed how good it looked


4. I ate 3 organic oreos for breakfast and ate 2 more because I gave myself credit for eating organic

5. I watched the ending of An Affair To Remember (only knew the movie mainly because of Sleepless in Seattle) and when Carey Grant goes into her bedroom and sees the painting on her wall, I burst out crying! Im an official woman folks...it's official...forget baring three children dang it! :)

6. Haley and I made Valentine Cookies tonight (though we just celebrated the New Year like a few days ago) and when she went into the living room to watch Punky Brewster, I designed and frosted majority of the cookies and she was not happy about it!

7. I let her have ice cream before bed to give her my apologies for hogging the "best part of making cookies"!

8. I sometimes plug a microphone into the computer and garagband myself singing Miranda Lambert songs! Tonight I sang yet again "The House that Built Me" and thought I did it justice...I love sitting here pretending that I'm some recording artist...gay

9. I sent the recorded song to my husband to show him how lucky he was to be married to me...and then felt guilty because when I went on itunes I found out he had a "Justins playlist" with all my recorded songs...awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

10. I love him.